How in the Hell Did I Lose to You?
by peroxidepest17
Summary: Hisagi Shuuhei has to live with the embarrassment of defeat. Among other things.


**Title:** How in the Hell Did I Lose to You?  
**Author:** Celeste  
**Rating:** PG-13  
**Feedback:** (yes!) HisagixAyasekawa (Crack much?)  
**Spoilers:** Post Soul-Society Arc, don't read unless you've at least read up to 173-ish?  
**Summary:** Hisagi Shuuhei has to live with the embarrassment of defeat. Among other things.  
**Word Count:** 1,669  
**Time:** Ten minutes last night…fifteen just now…no edits.  
**A/N:** So yeah, I'm really on some sort of Bleach crack spree, but somehow, after the whole Hisagi vs.Ayasekawa fight, I saw them as OTP… maybe it was the seeing Shuuhei so deliciously out of breath and flat on his back in that one panel… fufufufufufu. XD Anyway… it's just a fun crack pairing that I thought I'd mess around with because I'm bored and don't want to write my paper even though it's due tom. ;; Forgive me if it's a bit OOC, but Shuuhei really hasn't been characterized enough for me to try and get a strong grip on him, and I'm a firm believer in the fact that Ayasekawa could really drive anyone (no matter how cool) crazy at some point.  
**Dedication:** Sh! Because she's a Shuuhei fan. And I'm a bad person. Teehee.   
**Disclaimer:** Not mine, alas. I wouldn't mind borrowing Hisagi any time though. XD  
**Distribution:** Just lemme know.

* * *

9th division vice-captain Hisagi Shuuhei had been having a pretty shitty past few weeks.

Everything had just completely gone straight to hell and only now was it starting to picking up.

In other words, he was learning to get over Tousen's betrayal and his captain's reasons for doing as he did, as well as learning to understand the true nature of the conspiracies that had threatened the very existence of the Gotei-13.

Strangely enough, those were things you had to get over, had to force yourself as a ranked shinigami to accept and move on from. As painful as it was, as unbelievable and frustrating, it was something he had to realize as having happened regardless of how much he hated it and start anew. He was still a death god, still a vice-captain, and he still had a job to do.

He was beginning to come to terms with those things. The big things.

Strangely enough, it was really the little things that he realized made you clench your teeth with incredulity, made you want to just kill or maim everyone in your immediate vicinity before storming off to have a good, grade-A sulk somewhere by yourself.

"No _effin'_ way man! No _way._ You really got beat by a _fifth_ chair! That's_ unbelievable_."

Ignoring the fact that, for some odd reason, 7th division vice-captain Iba Tetsuzaemon's nose was already bandaged, Shuuhei elbowed him in the face and wordlessly whirled around to go indulge himself in his much-needed sulk.

How word had gotten out that that cream-puff Ayasekawa Yumichika had defeated him, he'd never know.

He suspected Ikkaku more than anyone else, because he was both a loudmouth and an idiot, and he and Ayasekawa seemed close enough that the pretty-boy would most likely tell Madarame almost everything.

Out of pure spite, Shuuhei was half tempted to go to Zaraki and explain to him exactly what kind of zanpakutou his fifth chair was sporting, though he realized that post-battle, it was rather useless to attempt to create any more strife amongst the Gotei-13 after the ordeal they had just (barely) managed to overcome.

Plus he could just picture the pretty-pretty princess breaking out with the tears and the sobs and the whining if he were to find out that Shuuhei had ratted him out after expressly telling him not to.

The guy hadn't killed him when he'd had the chance to, after all, and Shuuhei knew when to show some humility, even if the whole of the 11th division couldn't, bunch of braggart thugs that they were.

So Hisagi Shuuhei did the honorable thing and remained stoically silent about the whole affair, save only for the occasional expression of violence towards those particularly annoying tormentors who refused to just let up with their heckling. Shuuhei could only hope that with time and the rebuilding of the prestige of the Court of Pure Souls, the teasing would die down.

Once that happened, he figured he would be less prone to undignified squabbles of pride with the other shinigami. One problem potentially down.

The other problem, he wasn't so sure about. It felt as if all the prestige in all the courts of justice in both this world and the human one wouldn't have the power to relieve him of his second problem.

"Hisagi-saaaaan!"

Oh _great._

He increased his pace, hoping that the idiot would take it as a sign that…

"Heeeey, Hisagi-san, why are you so _meaaan_ to me! Am I not nice to look at or something! C'mon…wait up! Pleeease!"

Sighing as he realized the attention Yumichika's frantic shouting was attracting to them both from the other shinigami scattered about the court, Hisagi closed his eyes, counted to five, and stopped, allowing the shorter man to catch up.

"What do you want?" he ground out when the 11th division's 5th chair was standing in front of him, pouting immensely for having had to jog after Shuuhei and consequently, slightly mussing his perfectly styled hair in the process.

The other man smiled prettily, tossing his head slightly so any out-of-place strands would fall back into their intended position. "I was uh…wondering if you wanted to come do some kidoh training with me? You know…since I can't with anyone on my team and…"

Shuuhei resisted the urge to grab the shorter shinigami and shake him. Instead, he tried to remain dignified, to show some modicum of respect to a man who had defeated him in battle. "I can't right now."

Ayasekawa blinked. "Really? But your squad is off of active duty until…"

Shuuhei scowled.

Sensing a sensitive topic, Yumichika trailed off. "…uh, until things get…sorted out."

"Yeah, well, there's a lot to…"

"Just an hour? Pleeease?" Like a little kid, Ayasekawa put both hands behind his back, swinging slightly side to side as he looked up at Shuuhei, eyes hugely round.

"Ayasekawa…"

"Call me Yumichika."

"_Ayasekawa…_"

The more flamboyant shinigami crossed his arms and glowered back at the vice-captain cutely. "I'm not listening unless you use my given name."

Shuuhei ground his teeth slightly. "Okay, fine. _Yumichika_…"

"Yay! You said it. It sounds even _better_ than normal when you say it, Hisagi-san." The completely naive joy on the other death god's face at something so disgustingly simple made Shuuhei pause momentarily, forgetting what he had been about to say. "Ne…can I call you Shuuhei-chan?"

Spell broken.

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because we're not familiar like that."

"But I just said you could call me by my given name."

"That doesn't… look, just…stick to Hisagi, okay? It's too weird otherwise."

A modicum of understanding. "Oh, okay." Then a big, excited smile. "You're shy…that's so cute!"

Shuuhei blinked stupidly. Where the _hell_ did that just…

His thoughts were cut off as Ayasekawa grabbed his hand, pulling him forward. "All right, _Hisagi-san_… let's go practice together, okay? It'll be fun, I promise. And I'm _good_ at kidoh, so you won't get annoyed…"

Shuuhei instinctively back-pedaled. "Didn't I just say I didn't want to?"

Ayasekawa stopped. "No. You said you _couldn't_." He frowned, looking several shades of hurt all of a sudden. "So really, you just don't want to do anything with me?"

Feeling vaguely guilty for revealing himself in such a manner, Shuuhei softened his tone marginally. "I just don't understand you, Ayase…er, Yumichika. I mean, we fought and everything, and you won, so why would you want to…"

"I like you."

Shuuhei physically stumbled. "Come again?"

"I like you," Ayasekawa responded simply, eyes never leaving Shuuhei's.

The 9th division vice-captain gaped a little. "H-how can you just _say_ stuff like that?" he marveled, feeling like he'd somehow gotten front-and-center seats to some sort of exotically pretty freak show.

Ayasekawa smiled sweetly. "Because it's true."

Shuuhei groaned internally. Of course. Looking for the gentlest possible way of dealing with this situation, the taller shinigami pinched the bridge of his nose and searched for an appropriate response. "Um…listen, Aya…er, Yumichika. Just because I didn't tell anyone else your little secret isn't a reason for you to just…you know…"

The lower-ranked death god blinked, huge eyes looking back at Hisagi with a clueless-ness that was almost innocent.

Shuuhei sighed and slapped a hand to his forehead. "Listen, you're nice and everything, and very strong for someone who looks so…wimp, er, pretty… but I don't…"

"Don't what?" Ayasekawa pouted. "You don't think I'm attractive?"

Were those _tears_ starting to well in his eyes?

Shuuhei was beginning to panic a little. "No, it's not that, you're uh, really pretty. But it's just…"

Tears immediately gone. "You _do_ think I'm attractive!" Squealing happily, Ayasekawa threw himself at the other man, wrapping his arms around his neck. "Even though you scowl a lot, Hisagi-san, I think you're very attractive too," he stated right against Shuuhei's ear before happily nuzzling the vice-captain's throat.

Hisagi stammered, at a loss for words as Zaraki's 5th seat clung to him, murmuring happily.

"Aw, are you blushing, Hisagi-san? That's so cute! And it's very flattering with your nice complexion!"

As if stung, Shuuhei pulled backwards, though Ayasekawa was holding on to him tightly enough that it simply resulted in them staring directly at one another. "Now…waitaminute here," Hisagi began, feeling his face heat even more as Ayasekawa's laughing eyes studied him. "This isn't…"

"Kya, you're so cute!" the other shinigami interrupted, giggling.

Shuuhei's flush deepened. "Oi… c'mon now…get offa me, will you? People are staring."

"I don't care. I'm happy!"

Groaning, the second seat pulled ineffectually at the arms locked around him. "That's nice, but I _care._ Now getoff, would you?"

"Nuh-uh."

"What? Why the hell not?"

Ayasekawa looked up at Shuuhei rather coquettishly. "I _like_ you," he said again, just as easily as the first two times.

"We've established that! But it's no reason to cling to me shamelessly in the middle of the quad! Have some dignity!"

"Whoops! I forgot you were shy!" Yumichika exclaimed, eyes widening apologetically as he immediately withdrew. "Okay then, I won't hug you in public anymore, 'kay?"

"Don't hug me at all!"

Ayasekawa pouted. "Why not? That's one way of showing someone that you like them!"

"You've already _told_ me! Isn't that enough?"

The other shinigami shook his head. "Nope."

"Just…don't hug me, okay?"

Ayasekawa crossed his arms and looked thoughtful. "…okay, fine."

Relief flooded Shuuhei. "Good."

That same relief was driven far, far away when Ayasekawa kissed him instead.

He pulled back quickly. "What the hell was that!"

"A kiss."

_Argh._

"I _know _that, stupid! Why did you _do_ it!"

"Because you said I couldn't hug you. Kissing's a different way to show someone you like them, isn't it?"

Hisagi noted to himself that he probably should have seen that one coming.

"Ne…let's go practice now, shall we?"

Shuuhei frowned, touched his lips warily. Looked back at Ayasekawa, who was smiling expectantly at him, shameless in his hopeful exuberance. The 9th division vice-captain sighed. "…fine."

Suddenly, the thought of destroying something with his kidoh was looking very, very appealing.

"Yay!"

"Idiot, get off of me! This means nothing!"

**END **


End file.
